Oh what a day.

So, we had our next appointment with the lovely JG (our midwife) today. First off, I had to go weigh myself, and I still haven't gained any weight, which normally would be fabulous, :), but to my worrisome self was just one more thing I was a little nervous about. So JG took my blood pressure, perfectly normal, and also commented that gaining no weight yet is also perfectly normal.

I wasn't sure what else today would entail honestly, I doubted they would do another Ultrasound so soon. We are 10 wks today, and they did the last one at 7 weeks. So I was excited and freaked out when JG said she was going to try and hear the heartbeat through this little doppler thing. Apparently all she could hear was my lunch for the first few minutes, and then she heard the placenta, who knew you could hear that? That was my pulse that we could hear through that, but then we couldn't hear the heartbeat. She had warned us before trying that we might not be able to hear it, but my heart still dropped a bit. She then tried a different method (details left out purposely, :)) and she couldn't hear it this way either. My heart dropped a little bit more.

Lord please continue protecting our baby, put your arms around it, cover it with your holy protection and please please please make his heart beat, if it's not, make it start, I know you can, and don't do this to me again, we believe in you, we believe in the miracle of life, and we thank you that you give us the desires of our hearts, and this baby Lord is our desire.

So JG said we could see if we could squeeze an Ultrasound in today or we could come back in a week and try to hear the heartbeat then, I think she immediately saw the look on my face and read my mind because before I could respond she was out in the hallway calling upstairs to see if the Ultrasound would work today. Luckily, they squeezed me in.

Patience is not a virtue of mine, I didn't' really realize how impatient I am until I became pregnant. Time in doctors waiting rooms never seemed so painful and drawn out and weeks never seemed to drag on so long. (Can you imagine the impatience I will have at 38 weeks, ha ha!) Waiting for this ultrasound with my heart at my knees and queasiness to a maximum, seemed to bring out the worst in me. I fidgeted, and walked, and prayed, and tapped, and prayed, and checked email, and on and on and on.

So, now that you are getting impatient, I'll go on. We finally got in to the Ultrasound room. This was the good Ultrasound room, but the only doctor around was Dr. S (the cold, unfriendly one that happened to be at the bad ultrasound), so needless to say in the state I was in, this was bad news, but at least we were doing the ultrasound.

So JG the midwife was in the room first and she tried the external method, and after searching and searching couldn't see anything. Heart dropped to my feet.

Lord, I can't do this again, thank you for protecting this baby, please show it to us, show me that it is okay, let me know you are listening, and you are doing miracles. I need you. I know you will be the same no matter what happens, but I won't be. I need this baby's heart to beat, and I need to see it today. Please Lord, Please.

So Dr. S finally came in (okay it was only like 4 minutes, but seemed like an hour) and she did an internal ultrasound. And right away we saw the baby and the heartbeat!!! Woo Hoo! It actually looked like a baby this time(I will post a pic soon), and the heartbeat was more pronounced than last time. Relief at last. I quickly thanked Dr. S., who suddenly didn't seem so bad, :), for squeezing me in, and I thanked JG for understanding that waiting would have tortured me, and for knowing my thoughts before I even say them. I really think she is a gift from God.

Thank You God. Thank You so much for the miracle of life. For protecting our child up until now and continuing to protect it. Thank You for answering the prayers of ours and all the people around us praying for us. Thank You. I am so thankful. You are amazing, and powerful, and great. And I thank you and I love you, and I thank you for loving this baby more than I will, which seems pretty incredible to me, because I don't even know him yet, and I already love him so much. I praise you today Lord. Amen.