crying..crying..more crying.

So, as you may know, Norah has been crying up a storm. We've been to the family practice doctor 3 times, a Dr. M pediatrician once, and now another pediatrician Dr. R yesterday.

Norah had been fussy, stuffy, and recently I've seemed to think there have been some tummy issues, so after finally getting her in again, despite all of the "oh she just has colic" remarks, and "babies just cry" remarks I get, we are getting somewhere.

Now, I know I don't know anything about parenting yet, but I will tell you that I've been saying for weeks now that I know deep down something is wrong with Norah, nothing big, nothing un fixable, but something. Chalk it up to mothers intuition, or just God tapping at my heart, but I know that I knew of something, and the more I put it off and tried to stop myself from being an overly worried freak of a new mother, the more uneasy I felt.

So, yesterday Dr. R told us that she's pretty sure that Norah has Reflux, and she is now on Ranitidine, (basically baby Zantac) which we give her twice daily. Hopefully this will make her more comfortable eating and not have her spitting up so much and so long after eating.

The other thing though is that there was some blood in her poop. Nothing visible but they did a swab test and there is some in there. 90% of the time the doctor says this means the baby has a sensitivity to Dairy. (Not my milk, but cows milk) So, I had 2 options, stop breastfeeding immediately or cut dairy out of my diet. I opted for the 2nd. Granted, this isn't going to be easy, I have a nutrition background, but I never realized how much dairy is in. There are the obvious things like milk, yogurt, cheese, butter, etc. But then there are the caseins, whey proteins, etc. that are found in so many stinking things, mainly processed things. So really, it is a pretty healthy method of eating, I'm just going to take a calcium supplement. But it isn't easy, and eating out is going to be nearly impossible. We don't know how sensitive she is if it is dairy, so I may be able to just cut out the obvious, but for now I'm going to cut it all out if possible to try and heal her little tummy.

It breaks my heart to now know that the crying isn't just crying, it's because she hurts. It's amazing how much I love her. My mom has told me my whole life that she loves me so much, and she would do anything for me, and that she would always take away my pain and give it to herself if she could, I believed her. But I didn't truly understand until now. I would gladly take away any pain Norah has. Gladly. I would take her pain X 10, daily, if it would make her feel better. And it's funny how I thought I knew what my mom meant, and I guess my brain did, but now my heart does.

That said, it reminds me of how much God loves us. How much he loved his Son and how much he must have loved us all to give His son for us. It's amazing that He loves us that much, and it makes me even that much more thankful for His love, His grace, His sacrifice and our salvation knowing the sacrifice God had to make. Its on such a ginormous (i'm sure that' s a word :)) scale, and it's hard to even imagine that the God of this world has feelings like we do on earth, but He does, and His heart breaks for Norah as it did for his own Son.

God....I come before you and I thank you. Thank you for Norah, and thank you that while she has a couple of things we need to fix, she is for the most part healthy. Thank you for giving me the holy spirit and discernment to know what advice to take and what advice to smile at. Thank you for Dr. R and for her knowledge and wisdom, thank you for her continuing to seek after health and happiness in Norah. Thank you for giving me so much love to give to Norah, and the more I love you, the more I love her. Thank You for her life and for mine. I love you. In YOUR SONS name. Amen.

(I couldn't write a post without giving you a glimpse of little Norah!)